1st Entry on My late father's birthday..if he had lived he would be 51yrs old today! Happy Birthday Dad!

Hello, to all and welcome to my blog. I would start out by introducing myself..saying something witty, clever and coy; however I am not in the mood tonight. I wonder sometimes how it is possible that women survive the loss of their children and overcome life threatening illnesses. There is a strength that comes from deep within. The most powerful gift we have to give is love. So, how do you go on, when you have lost people that at one point were your entire world? I suppose the answer to that question is..we just go on with a hole in our hearts the size of Texas.
Usually on this occasion every year I go out to the graveyard and say prayer. It is a tradition since he died back in June of 1993. I did not make it out today, not for lack of wanting to, but because I really didn't feel the intense urge to rush out to his headstone and celebrate his very merry unbirthday today. I can almost promise that I will most likely go tomorrow though, as soon as the guilt sets in. My father was the most incredible man I have ever known. Not because he was extremely intelligent, not because he was an over achiever or a pillar of society. He was my hero in every way as a young girl and that is because he loved and protected me with his life. There was nothing more that I wanted than just to have him safe and strong. He was loving and soulful and taught me a sincere love that is precious to me..a love I extend to my own son.
Off of that topic, I am still trying to figure out how I will structure my entries on this page. So tonight, I will just mention a few things about how my night went and leave it at that. I spent the last portion of the day today helping my best friend Samantha. It isn't that she wouldn't survive without my help, trust me she has a huge family! It is more that I wanted to be there for her. Amidst the pressures of getting ready to move and running her household, I want to be there for her to lean on. I made her family dinner and helped her clean her house. She doesn't exactly realize that sometimes it helps me feel useful even more than she even needs me. My goal was to cheer her up. I think I did achieve that.
I will end this entry now and I will make an attempt to write something much more profound tomorrow night!

xoxo Gina